We all met someone who is a constant victim of their circumstances.
Their parents are to be blamed for not giving them enough support and understanding. Their bosses suck. Their colleagues must all be a little weird as they don’t like them. Their ex-boyfriends are to be blamed for the years wasted and harm done to them. Their lists of victimhood, sorrow and blames are LONG.
They LOVE those lists and like to cling on to them for years and quite frankly, for their entire life.
They can become hostile, cruel and put people through ‘payback’ dramas.
The “victim” never fails to remind their ‘targets of blame” how they have been treated badly.
The “victim” rarely likes to go to any kind of therapy and even if they do, they like to twist it in favour of their self-protection called ‘blame others for all our doing’.
So why do victims do what they do?
Most suffer from personality disorders they will never found out about since they definitely wouldn’t like to explore it further. Which just shows that the deep-rooted cause for blaming all others is an enormous fear to look into their own responsibility.
And let’s face it. When we take responsibility for our own shit, there is a lot of good stuff but equally a lot of stuff we dislike.
So, the ‘victim’ cannot bear the thought of looking at their ugly parts we all have. Yet, somewhere deep inside they do sense that nagging doubt that it perhaps ‘could’ be their doing as well, and they freeze at that point!
In horror, they turn their heads back into the sand. And do their nasty Ostrich dance to everyone else around them.
Can you imagine the amount of fear this person lives in?
I can. I have experienced a LOT of people like this around me. Most of them are gone out of my life and it started once I worked on my inner awakening to my own truth. Some will sadly have to stay somewhere close by.
So how do these people affect spiritually aware/awakened people?
The awakened mind sees through the ‘victim’ cause of blame. They are the wise eyes scanning the victim inside out. And then we either articulate it and hit the nasty wall of anger, resentment and ego (all because they are so frightened to even go there) or we have no other choice but remove ourselves.
If we can remove ourselves, that is the wisest option we choose. We can send them loving kindness and compassion from afar.
But what do we do when we can’t remove ourselves? What if it is a family member, a partner, a child?
Well, then we have to go deeper into our awakening and strengthening our meditation practice in order to keep our own negative reactions in check.
The good thing about difficult and harmful people such as the ‘victim’ minds is that they show us few things:
- They show us how much we evolved and changed.
- They show us our boundaries.
- They show us suffering that we don’t encounter.
- They can highlight the fact to us that we might be doing the same and haven’t noticed yet and since they are so ridiculous in our eyes, we should be grateful to correct our own minds in order to not become the total ‘victim’ mind we’re dealing with.
- We get an amazing opportunity to develop patience, compassion and most of all detachment. Without challenges, we don’t grow. We stagnate.
So, although this article is to remind what not to do (blaming others for your doing) it also reflects on so many awakened minds who suffer from making a sense of it.
There is no sense or reasoning that will help us understand the ‘victim’ because it’s just full of ignorance and twisted views on many lives.
But there is a lot we can do to understand about ourselves, having these people around us. Focus on your lesson here and leave the ‘victim’ to figure out their own at their own awakening pace (which might happen in another lifetime, if lucky).
If you suffer from this experience, I would love to hear from you.
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